Saturday, March 23, 2013
I am one month and one day into this withdrawal journey. I made a decision 29 days ago, the decision to confront my fears and embark on this intimidating, dark and at its worst, caustic journey. That decision to tread this path, the path I figured I ultimately have to tread, was a difficult yet quite straightforward one. Experienced my first two flares, and they were honestly quite the worst experience I could have expected, plain terribly horrigible. In the midst of flare number three as I magically weave out this piece. May the subsequent flares be less intense and of a shorter duration.
This intermittent alternation between flare and respite is one tough blow to my already enervated body; where sleep time can vary from 7am to 7pm. Without time, that surprisingly dependable anchor, firming my feet onto solid ground, I seemed to have lost my bearings. Losing track of the day and date makes me feel so rootless in my existence. I am sick of that. Life is quite utterly meaningless as it stands right now. There are so many things on my agenda which have to be put on hold. On hold till a better day, someday. But on hindsight, I simply couldn't imagine myself having to go through all these without the strength from God. It was quite unbelievable really. Shall keep the faith for tough times will pass. Better days lie ahead.
I freaking hate thunder. But I like the coolness after the rain. I guess this is but a mandatory process, a process that will see me grow in faith and ultimately as a person. Though I earnestly pray for a speedy recovery, and a swift return to normalcy. I can't wait for this to end!
On a side note, I finally ORDed. It was approximately 2 weeks ago that I collected my pink IC and bade farewell to the place, unless necessary, that being highly improbable, I will not revisit. Not that the environment and people are difficult. On the contrary, they were wonderful. I shrugged off my identity as a soldier, and regain my status as a civilian. How long have I waited for the coming of this day. It's been a memorable 2 years of highs and lows. Thank God and everyone whom I crossed path with in this 2 years. Everything happens for a reason, and I am grateful. It is with nostalgia and optimism that I call time on my near 2 years stint as a soldier. Time to move on.
5 May 11 - 03 July 11 [BMTC School 3] [Ulysses] [ Platoon 4] [Section 3] [4309]
11 July 11 - 13 Sept 11 [MPTS] [Section 2] [206]
14 Sept 11 - 11 Mar 12 [Gombak Base] [Platoon 2] [Section 1]
12 Mar 12 - 4 Mar 13 [Gombak Base] [Admin Orderly]
Ulysses warrior marching in the sun..
When the cold wind blows, I miss you so..
Purple light in the valley
That is where I want to be
Infantry, best companion
With my rifle and my buddy and me
Booking out, See my girlfriend
Saw her with, another man
Kill the man, rape my girlfriend
With my rifle and my buddy and me
SOC, sibei jialat!
IPPT, lagi worst!
Everyday, doing PT
With my rifle and my buddy and me
ORD, back to study
Got degree, so happy!
Can't forget, days in army
With my rifle and my buddy and me
Purple heart, at the war front
That is where, my buddy died
If I die,
Would you bury me
With my rifle and my buddy and me
For the last time.
ORD LO!!! A soldier no more.
Those days in army I will miss.
8:41 AM
