A legitimate worry

Yet another month has passed since I last blogged. I haven't been doing much these days - nothing much really. I am still recuperating from TSW - nearing 14 months in - which I once thought would be well over by now. I am still scratching and itching - these compromising on my sleep at night. At 14 months, I truly thought that I would be completely healed. When I started out, I was fully convinced that all it takes was upwards of six months. It then became a year and subsequently a year and a half. It was inconceivable - then - that I would still be in the thick of things past the one year mark. Fast forward fourteen months, and that duration might has just passed the three year mark. I am no longer hoping for a quick resolution. The fact that my skin does feel much better today than it was last year; that the flares have grown milder, that the struggles today pale in comparison to those of the past; provides for stern affirmation that I am healing - whatever the pace. 

Like a fire burning, the crazy inferno has passed. The once searing heat of the flames has died down. In its place, an ember glows ever so brightly. It will continue burning until it consumes the last of its meal - slowing down to a soft half-hearted cackle - there the moribund flame will flicker nonchalantly before disappearing forever. I am still feeling the heat from the smoldering embers. This would probably be a protracted period of this ordeal. Once I am done with this, I would be done with everything. Every passing day is one day closer to the end, I can't wait for this fire to die out. 

Life is really meaningless as it stands. I don't feel comfortable going outside in the day. I wake up around noon after a night of fitful sleep, feeling tired. I will stone in front of my computer for an hour to two, have lunch, and start studying - almost reluctantly. This usually last around two to three hours before I am brain fried. I watch the 530 drama, have dinner, and am back to stoning at the computer. I might add an hour or two more to study. I am compelled to as I really have nothing else to do. My life is mind numbingly empty and scary. I would very much like to go out to work, but my skin is keeping me at home. I feel so shackled and restricted. I am dying to work on my tuition business yet have no choice but to shelve it off for now. I am now uncertain if I will be fit enough to climb a mountain this December - very likely not. I have MOE camp to attend in June - definitely excusing myself, without implications I hope. School is starting in August and here I am worrying about my skin. I am racing against time for the second year running. This is nauseating....

I miss Leonard. Tomorrow is Saturday. A wonderful day for me to bring him out. Yet my skin is keeping me in. It sucks really to be bounded by circumstance. Will this end in 2014?

I really hope so. 

I miss my grandmother. ;(