Being betrayed doesn't feel good. To be betrayed by someone you trusted completely, someone you thought you would be sharing your life with, someone you love so dearly - feels like a sucker-punch. Hitting me when I least expected it, the blow has taken much breath away from me. It was a critical blow that has really damaged me.

You made a choice - a conscious choice. It was me or him. You chose him. You know very well what that means. To you, the three years together were irrelevant. In your words, you were happier with someone else, and so you want to be with him. For reasons unbeknownst to yourself (or so you argued), you led me on. You preyed on my vulnerability and naivety. Time and time again, you manipulated me into staying around. You flamed my hopes with your lies, those deceitful lies, incessant lies. For selfish reasons, you wanted me to stick around, when in reality, you were already dating a someone else.

I wasn't perfect. I hurt you before. I am but a human. But me hurting you was never an intentional act. What really hurt, was the realization that you could love someone else so quickly. That you could willingly go into another person's embrace and give yourself up to him.

You know what's worst? That you could do so knowing very well that he wasn't the right one, that your gut was telling you that you will come back to me. In spite of all these, you chose to satisfy your need for fun, at my expense. You know you will come back yet you chose to hurt me - for some fun.

I do not know what transpired - may never know. You came back - not to ask for forgiveness - but to ask for acceptance and tolerance. You satisfied your desire for fun. You chose "fireworks over the moon",  but the fireworks din't last, and now you are back.

Even at this point, as absurd and foolish it may be, I was still willing to accept you back, on the condition that you have left the past behind, and wants me back whole hardheartedly.  But you know what, you came back on your terms. You claim to have the intention to patch, but not the capability to love me the way I needed to be loved. The love that is needed to help me regain my trust in you, you cannot provide.

Hitherto, you do not show remorse. Nary an apology from you. You blamed me for your cheating on me. You don't appear sincere.

It will take time. But I really do feel my grip loosening. My grip on this relationship. A relationship that has seemingly ran its course a while ago, a fact I struggled to come to terms with. The struggle was real, but I am beginning to come to terms with it. You may never see the wrong with your actions. You may continue to come up with absurd reasons to justify your actions. You may lose me for good.

This really is your last chance. I will move on. The right person will want me in their life. I want a life of love, peace and security. Not one of lies and fear. I want it right. This ain't feeling right.

Betrayed