2022 was supposed to be THE year. It is amusing, when I think back on how I thought things would be in 2022 - back in 2021, while I was still teaching in MOE. I thought that a life free of work, would be a life of autonomy, bliss and peace. I envisaged my wife and I to be travelling both within and out of Singapore on a regular basis. I was ready for a life, where - since we have both reclaimed control over our time - we could finally do the things we have always wanted, wherever and whenever we felt like it. Unfortunately, our plan wasn't God's plan, at least not for now. Reality is that 2022 has been a tough year so far - not that I lament it, for I already knew what lay ahead when I realized that I had to endure another episode of withdrawal late last year. 

It has been 6 months and a few days since I embarked on my second withdrawal journey. Am I getting better? I think so, but not well enough yet. I am definitely drawing a lot on my previous experience almost a decade ago. I try to see parallels between that experience then and my current experience. I have had 3 flares so far, with the second flare being the worst. I feel that I am currently towards the end of my third flare, though I can't be too sure till I am past it. First flare started almost immediately upon cessation of the creams. I started this second withdrawal on the 2nd Nov 2021 - the same day I contracted COVID and had to stay at home. The first flare started almost immediately and lasted for around 10 days ++. I went back to school by mid Nov, having recovered really well. Pretty similar to my first withdrawal, where the first flare was short and swift. Face was the most badly affected during this first flare.

I then had a relatively calm Nov-Dec period. I was frequenting the beach then, in hopes of diminishing the withdrawal symptoms. But the second flare started towards the second half of December 2021. I remembered going to Maliki's house on 31st Dec 2021, and my inner thigh was already badly wrecked. But other areas were rather alright. Jan 2022 was the worst month thus far. It coincided with my second flare, which lasted an entire month and a bit. My body was affected. Shoulders, arm pits, neck, face, inner thigh, back of thigh, back of knee among other areas. My sleep cycle was wrecked. I couldn't sleep before 5am, and couldn't sleep well for an entire month. Life was miserable - really miserable. That period coincided with the final months of our house renovation, and I am very grateful to my wife, for handling the renovation process. During this period, I felt like I had plunged back into the depths of despair. Memories of my previous withdrawal came flooding back. I was broken, and down. But thankfully, it eventually passed. Objectively speaking, the intensity was no where near what I experienced in my first withdrawal. But relatively speaking, it was tough when compared to the years of relative calm that I may have become used to over the years. Either way, I am just glad that the second flare had been braved. Chinese New Year fell on the 1st Feb 2022, and I was still coming out of the flare, and thus did not look my best. 

The first half of Feb 2022 was the recovery phase, and the second half of Feb 2022 was - I would say - the best month of 2022 so far. (It is May 2022 as I am typing this). The calm after the storm they say. It was probably a deserved break after enduring the hellish January. March was generally alright, though I felt things starting to go down gradually in the second half of March (but still alright). I was still going out to shopping centres. It was in April that I really felt that things were continuing to go downhill. I cannot remember with clarity, but I would say that by 10th April or so, I am definitely in the midst of flare 3. This time, my neck, arm pits, shoulders, arm flexures, forearm, inner thighs and stomach were the most affected. It was tough but not as tough as January's flare 2. Why 10th April? Because I remember hosting a gathering with Sam and Co on the 15th April, and I was actually struggling to be happy, as I was going through the third flare. In terms of intensity, it is similar in intensity to the first flare, but more wide spread, and longer lasting. But definitely milder than the second flare. I am currently still in flare 3, but I hope that the worst of this flare is over, and I can start healing up in time.

It has been a humbling and tiring experience. 2022 hasn't been the easiest or kindest thus far. I really hope that the rest of May will be better, especially the second half of May, where I can really get my break after the storm. As for how long more, before this journey runs its course.. I just hope to be in a much better place come my 30th Birthday in Nov 2022. And while I am prepared to not be healed in 2022, I do hope that 2023 will be a much better and manageable year. I am putting a timeline of 18months to be at a place where I can be 80-90% healed. And 12-14months, for me to be 70-80% healed. May 2022 be the year where I pay most of my dues so that 2023 can truly be a better year. 

Fingers crossed. I hope for blessings to come my way in the next 12 months, in terms of family, health and finance, for both me and my wife.